Sunday, June 04, 2006

MISYAR ME PLEASE.....NOT!

I haven't been a good blogger lately. As usual la kat ofis tu kengkadang kerja bagai tsunami, tiba-tiba je terlalu banyak yang landing kat meja aku. 'Kaklong' department aku pun lately ni menyinga aje, biasalah minah perpetual pms tuh.

Anyway, been meaning to write a little on this 'misyar' issue that's been in the news lately. An esteemed Professor was quoted in the newspaper suggesting that 'misyar' marriages be allowed in Malaysia. A simple description of misyar was "whereby a couple enters into matrimony with the understanding that the husband is free of any material obligations (nafkah zahir) and only has to perform conjugal obligations (nafkah bathin)"

Nice one, Prof. And to think, in uni I actually read your book which was a textbook for one of the course subjects, peh! Sorry, I'm not well-versed in religious matters to delve too deeply into what the arabs are practicing, but the way you put it (that is if the media quoted you correctly) looks like nothing better than to legalize f*ck-buddies. Cool! A toast, bring out the bubblies! Oopss sorry, no bubblies, because alchohol is still haram (f*ck all you like, as long as you don't get drunk??? LOL)

My take on this one - berbalik pada asal je la... apa tujuan perkahwinan?
Nak bina institusi keluarga ke.... atau nak puaskan nafsu aje?
Apa perasaan anda kalau adik atau anak perempuan anda kena, boleh terima ke?
Alasan-alasan yang diberi, sungguh menghina wanita, sedangkan nabi & Islam muliakan wanita!

- 'bagi mengatasi masalah ramai wanita tidak berkahwin', - solution dah ada, sebab lelaki boleh kahwin 4... tapi kena penuhi semua requirement la. Kalau ada misyar, amboi lesen besar la untuk buka 3-4 cawangan, dan bini pertama tak boleh halang laki kawin lagi, sebab 'tak rugi' (harta) pun. Btw, many single or single-again ladies I know, for various reasons, make a choice of not getting married (yet/again), and they don't find singlehood a problem at all.

- 'perkahwinan tersebut juga mampu mengurangkan perlakuan maksiat di dalam masyarakat' - impliedly, kalau ada misyar dan laki dah beri nafkah batin, pompuan takkan buat maksiat lagi. Apa, ingat pompuan ni nak sex aje ke? Helloooo... it takes two to tango.... and only one aggressor to rape... how? Pompuan saja yang ada potential for maksiat ke? (no offence, guys)

- 'berdasarkan situasi mashalahat berlakunya ramai janda dan gadis yang tidak berkahwin' - this is so cliche, tanggapan negatif masyarakat pada janda dan pompuan single. To be honest, semua orang ada nafsu, that's normal. Tapi banyak lagi benda nak dibuat dalam hidup ni selain sex, dan banyak kekangan yang boleh kita bina sendiri untuk elakkan diri dari maksiat, terutamanya faktor ugama dan faktor hormat & jaga air muka ibubapa kita.

Kalau tujuan misyar ni untuk membantu wanita, I beg to differ. In fact, it will only lead to more misery for the womenfolk, who will have added responsibilities and yet no one to share it with. Habis manis, sepah dibuang. Kalau dapat anak, adakah misyar-ness (my word for 'irresponsibility') ni will be extended to the children?

These days, promiscuity is usually a matter of choice, not need. That's why some married people (also among my friends) have sex outside marriage just as much as some single people, clearly negating the Prof's suggestions of misyar to 'mengurangkan perlakuan maksiat'. Each to his own, kubur asing-asing, beb!

I'm sorry, I really cannot accept this misyar idea!!!!!! Do we really need to legalize unfaithful & irresponsible spouses? So kalau nak kawin misyar ni, tak payah bayar mahar (maskahwin) la pun kot. Sebab mahar tu sepatutnya adalah pemberian nafkah zahir pertama diberi oleh suami kepada isteri. Kawin free aje, datang bawak diri (dan jangan lupa bawa k*nek sebab yang penting ialah kena beri nafkah batin). Yezzaaaa.......

So after that, to balance out, and just for the fun of it, why not give the kuasa talak to the ladies? Scenario in a syariah court : "Tuan Hakim, saya mahu ceraikan suami saya sebab dia gagal memuaskan nafsu saya". OK whaaattt.....

*Sumimasen, Jie is emotionally stressed out lately, she's been on a diet, but the weighing scale needle still stubbornly points to the same number. Aaaarrrgggghhhhhh!!! So she had a double scoop of lecka-lecka's nockies yesterday afternoon.*

Incidentally, here's a pic of a mass wedding ceremony held in Saudi. The grooms are so brave, no? Tak takut tertukar bride ke hehehe :-)


Have a nice weekend, folks!

5 comments:

Izhal said...

we are actually lead by an outpost of the dajal's gomen... look at the policies they make, the symbols they use, the grand buildings and projects they undertake which one building has been described in 2 of the 4 books... the new version of religion they unleash etc... i dont want to go deep in my theories here, just let me be happy with them :) kawin misyar, logo halal, OIC and all is a big scam...

just wondering who's the prof that you're talking about??? i want to look her/his articles up and see... i bet media twisted his/her words? ada bezaka ngan what he/she tought you way back when you were a scholar? i mean whats orinted in the papers and how he/she used to teach... if berbeza, media is at it again...

ps-thanks for the visit after your 100th posting... hope your car is running safe again :) AMIN...

muslimz87 said...

Petikan Ceramah Nikah Misyar oleh Dr Asri Zainul Abidin

Ulama' Khilaf Dalam Membolehkan Pernikahan Misyar:

1) Mereka yang mengharamkan: Sheikh Nasiruddin al-Albani dan beberapa ulama lain. Alasan mereka ialah kerana tidak sampai maksud perkahwinan iaitu kewajipan suami kepada isteri seperti nafkah, tempat tinggal dan lain-lain.

2) Tidak memberikan hukum: Ulama yang berpendapat sebegini ialah Sheikh Shalil al-Uthaimin.

3) Menghalalkan akan tetapi tidak menggalakkannya. Dipegang oleh Dr. Yusuf al-Qaradhawi dan beberapa ulama' lain. Majma' Fiqh Islam Sedunia membenarkannya.

Alasan mereka yang membenarkan ialah:
1) Bukan suami yang mengambil hak isteri, akan tetapi si isteri yang menawarkan untuk haknya ditarik. Sebagai contoh seorang wanita berkata kepada seorang lelaki bahawa lelaki tersebut tidak perlu menanggung kewangannya, dan hanya tinggal bersamanya beberapa hari sahaja. Dalam kes ini wanita tersebut sendiri yang menawarkan haknya untuk dikurangkan. Ini sama seperti kes isteri Nabi Muhammad SAW, Ummul Mukminin Saudah yang memberikan giliran harinya untuk bersama Rasulullah SAW kepada Ummul Mukminin 'Aisyah RA.

2) Bukan suami yang meminta hak itu dikurangkan, sebaliknya wanita tersebut yang menawarkannya.

3) Seeloknya di siasat benarkah isteri itu memang benar-benar sanggup menyerahkan haknya atau hanya cakap sahaja ketika sedang kemaruk cinta. Sebagai contoh, jika dia berkata bahawa si lelaki tidak perlu menanggung kewangannya, maka perlulah bertanya benarkah dia memang betul-betul mampu menanggung dirinya sendiri tanpa tanggungan suami, dan benarkah dia memang rela untuk mengurangkan haknya.

Pro dan Kontra:
Pro:
1) Perkahwinan ini dapat mengurangkan jumlah wanita yang tidak berkahwin.
2) Meredakan tekanan emosi bagi wanita berkerjaya yang mahu bersuami tetapi ramai lelaki yang enggan kerana takut untuk menanggung wanita berpendapatan tinggi.
3) Mengurangkan maksiat zina dan muqaddimah zina lebih-lebih lagi kepada golongan muda seperti pelajar-pelajar universiti, lebih-lebih lagi kebanyakan mereka sudah mempunyai pasangan masing-masing, becintan-cintun, dan ke hulu ke hilir dengan bukan mahram.

Kontra:
1) Takut-takut berlaku penindasan ke atas wanita.
2) Masalah jika si isteri mengungkit-ungkit.

Jie said...

Hi Izhal,

Those are pretty strong words, bro :-) Sometimes the world becomes black & white, no fuzzy greys, where good guys get rich and the babes, and bad guys get jailtime and repent. And then suddenly the alarm clock rings, and we wake up to the real world and drag our sorry butts to the office just like we did yesterday. Reality bites lah...

The scholar I quoted is a lecturer in UM, and I don't think I've come across any blatant statements from him before. Oh well, if the media did quote him wrongly, he should get them to correct it.

Jie said...

muslimz87,

Thank you, your feedback is very much appreciated. What was written earlier is my own opinion based on discussions & interviews in the media and is not meant as a religious statement. I think a small percentage of married couples already apply this concept without realizing it actually exists and recognized as 'misyar', but if both parties are agreeable even though it is against the norm, then so be it, caveat emptor.

What I am concerned about is if it is legalized, some people may take advantage of it by marrying for sexual purposes only, which in the end may leave the other party in dire straits. Just like the concept of poligamy was initialized back then out of necessity, when many men had died in wars leaving widows and children who needed to be protected by other men as their second, third or fourth families. How many people these days take on widows and divorcees only as their second, third or fourth wives, for the sake of building up the ummah as a religious duty?

Brother, I do not wish to argue with Allah's rules. The rules are divine and just, but the application by some of us might be waylaid so as to seem unfair. And it doesn't help either if in trying to educate the public, learned scholars make statements or explain it in a way that insults some of us.

Thank you again for your kind info, please do drop by often. One of the beauties of blogs is that we can all learn from each other :-)

Izhal said...

Yuu actually cannot put words into the medias mouth... they'll say what they want as they have big bosses that answer to bigger bosses... lately medias' new aresenal is to use intelectuals to strengthen an issue... that makes the scholar look dumb... so you think your ex teacher from UM really said this? be sure... i'm seeing a ot of parallelism between media tactics between democratic nations... off topic dah ni...