"Do you miss it?" asked a friend.
Agak tersentak jugak dengan soalan tu. Took me a few seconds before answering "Y..yyess..." In actual fact? Do I miss it? Like hell I don't!
I remember asking the very same question to Shook, the 'abanglong' in our group of happy-go-lucky singletons years ago. His answer was, "well, if you've never had it, you wouldn't miss it, cause you don't know what to miss." Yeah, he's right, I guess.
But if you've had it, and suddenly you don't get it anymore, it's like a Mat Pet going cold turkey. Absolute torture. The cravings, the cold sweat, the headaches. The emotional tension, making you crabby, snappy and angry. Takes quite some time to cool down. Lots of conscious effort to divert yourself.
The first few months for me, I had to take a sleeping pill every night. And I wished there were pills to help me get through days as well. Don't think only men have a bad time with abstinence okay, women go through hell too! It is fitrah manusia, after all. In fact, men probably find it easier to get a relief as compared to women *sigh*.
Though it's been a few years now, there are still moments of craving that makes me breakdown in tears. Times like these, the temptation to just fold in and say whaddahelljezfookit gets very strong, and it's not like there's no available alternatives out there. What am I afraid of, nothing to lose, I'm not a kid anymore. I'd love to say it is purely Iman that holds me back, but truth be told, I'm also chicken and have no guts to actually do it. So then, tears it is. Cry myself to sleep.
Allah, please help me!
*pic obviously googled