Saturday, April 17, 2010


"Do you miss it?" asked a friend.

Agak tersentak jugak dengan soalan tu. Took me a few seconds before answering "Y..yyess..." In actual fact? Do I miss it? Like hell I don't!

I remember asking the very same question to Shook, the 'abanglong' in our group of happy-go-lucky singletons years ago. His answer was, "well, if you've never had it, you wouldn't miss it, cause you don't know what to miss." Yeah, he's right, I guess.

But if you've had it, and suddenly you don't get it anymore, it's like a Mat Pet going cold turkey. Absolute torture. The cravings, the cold sweat, the headaches. The emotional tension, making you crabby, snappy and angry. Takes quite some time to cool down. Lots of conscious effort to divert yourself.

The first few months for me, I had to take a sleeping pill every night. And I wished there were pills to help me get through days as well. Don't think only men have a bad time with abstinence okay, women go through hell too! It is fitrah manusia, after all. In fact, men probably find it easier to get a relief as compared to women *sigh*.

Though it's been a few years now, there are still moments of craving that makes me breakdown in tears. Times like these, the temptation to just fold in and say whaddahelljezfookit gets very strong, and it's not like there's no available alternatives out there. What am I afraid of, nothing to lose, I'm not a kid anymore. I'd love to say it is purely Iman that holds me back, but truth be told, I'm also chicken and have no guts to actually do it. So then, tears it is. Cry myself to sleep.

Allah, please help me!
*pic obviously googled

Thursday, April 15, 2010


Ahh... my long-neglected blog... I miss you so!

Sorry I've been away for so long, caught the facebook bug, just like everyone else! It was so much fun initially catching up with old friends, posting old & new pics and leaving hil;arious comments to each other. And it still is fun, but I've noticed some changes lately lah.

Some people have started to get too personal on facebook. Putting up several posts every day, declaring undying love for their spouses. Yeah, it's good that you're in love, but is that kind of post of any value to the social network that facebook is? And the fact that you are a second wife, kind of puts ideas into other people's heads, ya know?

Some others share their arguments & catfights on facebook. Hey hey, I hope your spouses don't know anyone on your friend's list, cause it'd be embarassing to run into friends who suddenly ask "eh, dah berdamai ye? ", or this "eh, yang sakit tu ari tu *wink wink* dah ok ke?" It's OK if you wanna let off steam when you are upset, it's OK to confide in some good friends, to ask for advice etc. But remember, what you post on facebook today, may also be read and remembered by your friends (or horror, your nephews and nieces!) days afterwords.

Oh, and there's worse. Some people use facebook as a warzone! They post hurtful remarks on each other's walls, provoke each other and get other people to join in their fights. Case in point, two women (one a wife, the other a girlfriend) fight over the guy in the cyberworld, calling names & accusing each other with terrible things. Wifey thought she was one-up when she started posting 'manja' pics of herself & hubs, until the GF started writing and describing 'manja' stuff between herself & the guy. I wish they'd just drop off facebook and take their fight elsewhere *sigh* Meanwhile, hubs is eyeing someone new... boleh?

So, my old faithful blog, I'm back :-)

I'm still on facebook a couple of hours a day, but I think I'm more at peace here with you, I can be more myself here with you!