Wednesday, September 28, 2011


I do wonder, how much of our marital status information needs to be disclosed at work?

OKlah, for obvious reasons, the boss needs to know who your next of kin are and how to contact them, in case of emergency. Also need to identify immediate family members for medical coverage or insurance. And also they may need some info about your spouse, for tax record purposes.

I have been divorced for a while, no kids. Why do they need to know all details? Bila kawin, bila cerai, bila tarikh Perintah mahkamah, mahkamah daerah mana. Siapa nama ex, keje apa, alamat terkini dia. Heck, even I don't feel any need to know all that info about him after all these years, hah! Dan yang aku heran tu, borang permohonan nak jadi ahli Puspanita kat sini pun mintak semua info tu. Pelik, kan?

* sreeeetttt..... * <--- bunyi kertas kena koyak... Muahahahaha!

Oklah info untuk tujuan official, takpe kot. But hopefully the info won't be used against the staf la plak. Kes kena transfer on short notice atau transfer ke tempat jin bertendang, biasalah kena pada staf single / single again, alasannya "dia takde family, senang nak bergerak".

Bab cuti plak, staf single klu emergency leave, kena soal siasat - kenapa cuti, pegi mana, tak boleh ke buat masa weekend etc. Tapi staf lain senang-senang je call ofis "sori bos, saya EL ari ni, anak demam", dan esoknya plak "sori bos, saya sambung EL, suami plak demam". Even cuti rehat pun bos kadang-kadang biased - staf single kena beralah bab cuti panjang masa raya atau cuti sekolah, alasannya untuk beri peluang staf lain yang ada family tu balik kampung atau bawak anak-bini bercuti.

Bos-bos sekelian, toksah buat gitu erk? Orang single pun ada personal life taww....

p/s - tak dapek la esei nak join dinner free Puspanita yang ado poco-poco tu... huuuhuu...

Monday, September 26, 2011


Recently, between my 5 y.o. nephew Enysh and his mom...

My sister is currently monitoring her glucose level, and Enysh was watching his mom use the glucometer.

*cucuk cucuk... boh darah atas strip*

Enysh : What are you doing mama?

Mama : I'm taking my glucose reading.

Enysh : How many points did you get?

Mama : 8.5

Enysh : Me! Me! I waaannnttt...!

Mama : OK, OK let's do yours...

*cucuk cucuk... boh darah atas strip*

Mama : Well, your glucose level is 6.0... you just ate a good lunch eh?

Enysh : *dengan nada penuh kuchiwa* Congratulations mama, your points is more than mine...

Ayong : Huh... rosak budak nih..

Ngehehehe... tulah padahnya dok leka main Angry Birds hari-hari, nak markah tinggi aje... :-)


I have been feeling pretty sad lately. Please, bear with me...

Before I got married, I was in a pretty serious relationship with a certain T. We got connected through a common internet friend, Kak L. We started emailing each other, from discussing daily stuff to politics & religion, and sometimes just forwarding silly jokes. Well actually I've written about him before, but I don't feel like sieving through past posts and linking it now. Anyway.

Internet relationship is in a class of its own. You don't meet face to face, so you are not judgmental nor distracted by the other person's looks. Whether he wears designer clothes or a shirt from Jusco is irrelevant. For the same reason, you are less inhibited, and tend to write more intensely. So we got to know each other's mind and heart quite well. We don't always share the same opinion, but we got on very well. So well that I started to have feelings for him. He made my days very exciting and happy.

We did meet and talk on the phone, but not often. He is a pretty religious person, and at that point was doing extra studies under the tutelage of a prominent religious scholar. Slowly, his emails too start to hint at taking the relationship further. And I waited for him to actually pop the question, but it never came. To cut a long story short, he had misunderstood one of my emails, and he waited too long, and someone else 'cut in' - my ex, to be exact.

I accepted my fate. I accepted losing him through a stupid misunderstanding on his part. And I also accepted the rest of my marriage which is now a history. But in a moment of weakness a few months after the big D, I had contacted him again. I needed someone to console me, and he had always known how to pacify me, advise me religiously, make du'a for me. He guided me away from my crazy rantings. And somehow our relationship revived. This was in 2003, I think.

Only a few months later did I find out that he was married. I got very upset and wanted out. But him being of a religious background, started to educate me on the virtues of poligamy. Now that's a tough call, as I have never been exposed to that before. No one in my family, cousins and all, have ever been poligamous. Although I do not reject it as it is allowable in Islam, but I never considered it for myself.

But I learned. I read up on it, and my perspective changed somewhat. He too went a step further by telling his wife about me. Several times he asked me to meet him & his wife, to see for myself that a poligamous marriage is workable. Indeed one time during raya, he had actually parked in front of my house and I could see him from my bedroom window, but I told him to turn back, I was not ready for him to meet my parents. Rather, I know that my parents abhor the idea of poligamy!

Anyway, all that happened in 2003 and 2004, I think. During that re-connected time, he proposed directly 3 times, while hinting many more times, but I wasn't ready. Later he told me that he was taking another wife, a divorcee working at the same place. I respected his intention, it made me look up to him more, because I know that his reason for poligamy is an honourable one, to help divorced ladies find their foothold again. Much as what he intended to do for me. Indeed, this was what was practiced by our beloved Muhammad s.a.w.

Now here comes the miserable part...

By virtue of my work, I have access to some database, internal and external. I've had it forever, but don't know why, a couple of weeks ago, I decided to look him up. And only then did I realize that despite knowing a lot about this person's heart & mind, but I didn't know much about him. And for my nosiness, I got quite a shock, padan muka aku.

A search on the databases produced his NRIC and address, and of some other people connected to him. He was actually much older than myself. Come to think of it, I never did ask his age. He had different addresses, the earlier one in KB and the current one in BBB. OK not a problem there. But googling him, I found that he has 7 kids from his first wife. And that his second daughter had recently tied the knot last year at the age of 22... do you see it yet?

The time when we first got hooked up, he was already married, with teenage kids!

But he never gave a clue about it, even when we met and then came across some friends of his, he introduced me as 'the one' as if he didn't already have someone in his life. Why? I felt betrayed, but maybe it's partly my fault for not being nosy enough to establish those things first, earlier in the relationship. But I couldn't have known, could I? Wouldn't the onus to disclose such matter fall on him?

It is so sad finding out that someone you trust and respect so much, has not been truthful from the beginning.



A dear friend asked the other day, when will you start blogging again? I didn't know then, but I thought I would when I start to feel lonely again. That was initially my reason to blog - the need to share my loneliness, frustration and anger resulting from my divorce, even with total strangers. Mayhaps it was best shared with total strangers, as I didn't want people judging me or tip-toeing in front of me whils holding forums about me behind my back, as I've seen them do to others.

So I guess now is as good a time as any to dust off the cobwebs from my dear old blog. I feel lonely! I'm not alone, mind you. But being lonely in a crowd is so darn worse than being lonely alone!

Ever since the big D, the Eid (and the days leading to it) has always been a sad and empty time for me. No Eid preparation for myself (new clothes etc). The most I do is to help spring-clean my parent's house and maybe bake 2-3 types of cookies upon mom's request. Second day of Eid, both my siblings took off to their respective in-law's place. So that's how I ended up spending second raya at Chillies Bangsar. Third raya was spent alone growing roots in front of the idiot box, watching an endless stream of CSI, NCIS, Criminal Minds, Bones... it's a wonder I didn't get nightmares that night.

But Jie, you chose to do all that, so why are you whining now?

'Coz I'm bloody human with bloody emotion & thoughts, and pretty low self-esteem, that's why.

And I don't give a camel's arse about Law of Attraction right now, ok?