A dear friend asked the other day, when will you start blogging again? I didn't know then, but I thought I would when I start to feel lonely again. That was initially my reason to blog - the need to share my loneliness, frustration and anger resulting from my divorce, even with total strangers. Mayhaps it was best shared with total strangers, as I didn't want people judging me or tip-toeing in front of me whils holding forums about me behind my back, as I've seen them do to others.
So I guess now is as good a time as any to dust off the cobwebs from my dear old blog. I feel lonely! I'm not alone, mind you. But being lonely in a crowd is so darn worse than being lonely alone!
Ever since the big D, the Eid (and the days leading to it) has always been a sad and empty time for me. No Eid preparation for myself (new clothes etc). The most I do is to help spring-clean my parent's house and maybe bake 2-3 types of cookies upon mom's request. Second day of Eid, both my siblings took off to their respective in-law's place. So that's how I ended up spending second raya at Chillies Bangsar. Third raya was spent alone growing roots in front of the idiot box, watching an endless stream of CSI, NCIS, Criminal Minds, Bones... it's a wonder I didn't get nightmares that night.
But Jie, you chose to do all that, so why are you whining now?
'Coz I'm bloody human with bloody emotion & thoughts, and pretty low self-esteem, that's why.
And I don't give a camel's arse about Law of Attraction right now, ok?