I've just finished reading 'Bunga-Bunga Kemboja', a novel by a local author, Aina Emir. Correction. I finished reading it about a half hour ago. Tears are still running down my cheeks. But somehow, I've got to write this down right now.
Dah lama aku tak menangis sendirian begini. The last time I cried, at least I had a dear friend lending me some counsel, of sorts. Itupun, lebih kepada aku mengeluh dan mengadu nasib, meluah sedikit cuma perasaanku dan kegusaranku.
For some time now, I've always felt jaded inside, emotionally. Tiada sayu, tiada cinta, tiada bahagia. Like my heart had crystallized and remained frozen like that. I know it's just my body's emotional self-defence. If my heart is frozen, it's not easily breakable, kan? Tak ada siapa nak jaga hati aku, jadi hati aku kena membina perisai sendiri untuk protect dirinya.
But I don't know why, reading this novel made my heart go gooey all of a sudden. I can't pinpoint the reason. I just felt so emotional. I suddenly feel human.
Thank you for bringing back some emotions into my jaded heart.
Tears are still running down my cheeks.
Uh-oh. I better stop, before the tears ruin my lappie's keyboard.