Saturday, November 19, 2005


Today I had an unexpected and a little disturbing phone call on my mobile. Actually, that number (from another mobile) has been coming up on my phone since the last few days, but some of the times I missed the call because I was away from my desk or the phone was on silent mode, or just plainly ignored because it wasn't a familiar number. When it rang for the umpteenth time today, I decided to pick up the call.

Hello, boleh saya bercakap dengan *Jie*?
Ya, ni siapa ni?
Awak tak kenal saya, tapi saya kenal la awak sikit-sikit

After much dilly-dally, and 'camana nak cakap ye', she finally said, saya isteri *my Ex*

I was speechless for a while. She sounded young, at least younger than me la. Lots of pauses in between words. Uncertainty. Fear. Do I hear a choking-back-tears in her voice?

Apparently she was given my number since they first started being friends "in case you want to ask anything about me", he said. To show that he was sincere and has nothing to hide. But she never felt it necessary to call me, until now. She asks me to tell her what he is really like because "I'm confused", she said.

I was torn between decisions. On one hand, I could tell her my past experience, why I did what I did, but I risk 'influencing' any future decisions that she might make, and that would be wrong. On the other hand, I can empathize with what she is going through, and I pity her, and leaving her helpless like that is also wrong.

In the end, I apologized for not being able to offer her any help. I felt guilty, but I have always considered marriage to be a very private matter, and since I am an outsider, I have no rights whatsoever to say anything, good or bad. We were both choking on our words by then. I hope against hope that she doesn't get too mistreated, to the extent of bodily harm. Just one parting advice, I asked if she is close to her family. She said yes. And I told her "dik, kalau ada masalah yang adik tak boleh handle, rujuklah kepada keluarga adik dan keluarga dia juga, mungkin berbincang boleh jumpa jalan penyelesaian". Family support at times like this is crucial. I know this from experience.

Dik S, I will keep you in my doa from this time onwards.


kaez said...

The cycle starts again! I shudder to think what could possibly happen, or whether she can be as strong as you before. You're right, their marriage is their private life, and as outsiders, we can only extend our doa for her survival.

Jie said...

Think I did the right thing? She is still in my prayers. I wonder what drove her to finally call me like that. Women are often said to be weaker i.e succumb to fate etc, but pushed into a corner, 'are known to scratch or bite when annoyed' like a kitten, no? :-)

btw, it doesn't help that I am currently reading a novel titled 'Out' by Natsuo Kirino, about a wife who was bullied for years, finally took revenge by strangling her husband and getting her friends to chop him up into sushi-sized pieces and scatter him all over Shinjuku *shudder* what a coincidence hehehe