Friday, September 30, 2005


Sender :
O*** HP

Sent :

Hi N***,rang undang2 islam wilayah persekutuan, ciptaan shahrizat betul2 tidak membela langsung balu, janda dan anakdara tua. kesian kami. one day i wish dia jadi janda dan bercinta ngan suami org. Apa agaknya reaksi dia nanti. Jika tercommit adultery sapa gaknya punya pasal..


Ooooo... this sms is so wrong on so many levels!

OK, backtrack a little. It was sent by a friend (let's call her The Widow) who has been widowed for a year plus. She lost her hubby to an illness, and now currently bringing up her kids all by herself. I know, sad story, I feel for her too. Life gave her a big ugly turn, and her being able to cope with it (so far) is admirable. One can just imagine how tough her life is at the mo.

I personally have been lending her a shoulder-and-a-half, as I too have gone through a similar loss, albeit in a different way. I can understand her loneliness, helplessness, frustrations, her angry lashings to the world in general, her self-pity and all. Been there, done that, hated the tshirt! But there is such a thing as carrying it out too far la.

OK she's lonely, needs companion. Hell, we all feel that. She's thinking "at my age, a balu with kids, no single man would ever want me". So the next best thing is to find companionship with a more matured married or have-been-married guy {haiya, senang cakap, laki orang atau duda}, who will look beyond her age or status, who's not afraid to shoulder fatherhood responsibilities for her kids yadayadayada. So now she's in a relationship with a married guy (let's call him Mr Truant) but she's facing opposition from everyone - her family, his family, his wife, her friends, his friends, even the neighbour's dogs la.

Here's the thing - she undertook this adventure {misadventure kot?} fully knowing about all the hurdles she'll be facing from the community, because once she had the very same opinions, before she lost her hubby. Pompuan, be it anak dara or janda, yang berkawan ngan laki orang tu, adalah pompuan gatal perosak rumahtangga yang hina dan laknat. But now that she's 'friends' with Mr Truant, she's lamenting about how his wife is cruel because his wife mengamuk when she got to know about her hubby's relationship with The Widow. How masyarakat is unfair, tak faham dan tak membantu etc. How her family is cruel and prejudiced towards Mr Truant. How her friends are judgmental and 'menyibuk' because they don't approve.

Dear The Widow, you are my friend and I do wish you happiness. But you also have to be rational. Kalau dulu you jealous bila laki you ada kawan pompuan (walaupun kawan biasa), kenapa nak marah sekarang bila wife Mr Truant jealous of your (romantic) relationship ngan laki dia? Whilst you were happily married, did you ever give a thought about how your single friends' lives were? Did you even care? Oh I know, now your perspective has changed because you are faced with that situation, cuma orang yang dah merasa sahaja yang tahu kan? But at the same time, you cannot expect everybody to change their perspective to suit yours, kan?

Personally, I'm not opposed to poligamy { ye ker Jie???? }, only that I think it should only be practiced by people who have equipped themselves fully for it. Guys, just having the equipment is not enough tau. By 'equipped' I mean, dah cukup faham konsep poligamy dan tanggungjawab semua pihak, dah cukup iman dan keredhaan dalam hati, doing it for the right purpose and not for nafsu alone, adil, mampu physically, monetarily and spiritually etc. Kalau cukup syarat, no problem.

If you're really serious about it, then find the problem and fix it. Why lash out to other people like that? Why lash out against Shahrizat's good proposals (to ensure the first wives' and children's welfare is taken care of)? Why wanna wish bad things unto other people (" day i wish dia jadi janda dan bercinta ngan suami org...")? Apa plak kaitannya dengan 'tercommit adultery'? There is no such thing as 'ter' in adultery, it's something that both parties consciously consent to, otherwise it would be rape la kan?

If you wanna be gung-ho then do it like Nike (Just Do It!) Bukannya susah la ni, takyah gi Narathiwat, kat Perlis pun boleh. Better still, kalau guy tu confident & macho, get the local Syariah Court's approval, which shouldn't be a problem if he is qualified in the Islamic sense.

Oh well.

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